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Only in America:
>>
>>...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
>>
>>...are
there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
>>
>>...do drugstores make the sick walk all the
way to the back of
>>the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can
>>buy cigarettes at the
front.
>>
>>...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet Coke.
>>
>>...do
banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the
>>counters.
>>
>>...do we leave cars
worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put
>>our
>>useless junk in the garage.
>>
>>...do
we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call
>>waiting
>>so we won't miss a call from someone
we didn't want to talk to in the
>>
>>first place.
>>
>>...do we buy hot dogs in packages
of ten and buns in packages of
eight.
>>(THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
>>
>>...do we use the
word 'politics' to describe the process so well:
>>'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking
>>creatures'.
>>
>>...do
they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
>>
>>
>>EVER WONDER ~~~~
>>
>>Why
the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
>>
>>Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
>>
>>Why
don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery."
>>
>>Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
>>
>>Why
is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
>>
>>Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click
on "Start"?
>>
>>Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing
>>liquid is made
with real lemons?
>>
>>Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
>>
>>Why
is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
>>
>>Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
>>
>>When
dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
>>
>>Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
>>
>>Why
do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
>>
>>You know that indestructible black box that is
used on airplanes?
>>Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
>>
>>Why don't sheep
shrink when it rains?
>>
>>Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
>>
>>If
con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
>>
>>If flying is so safe, why do they
call the airport the terminal?
>>
>>~~~~~
>>
>>In case you needed further proof that the
human race is doomed
>>through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
>>consumer goods.
>>
>>On
a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
>>(And that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)
>>
>>On
a bag of Fritos: ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
>>Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
>>
>>On
a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
>>(And that would be how??...)
>>
>>On
some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
>>(But, it's "just" a suggestion.)
>>
>>On
Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn
>>upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
>>
>>On
Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
>>heating." (...and you thought????...)
>>
>>On
packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."
>>(But wouldn't this save me more time?)
>>
>>On
Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate
>>machinery after taking this medication."
>>(We
could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if
>>we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds
off those
>>forklifts.)
>>
>>On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
>>(And...I'm
taking this because???....)
>>
>>On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only."
>>(As
opposed to...what?)
>>
>>On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use."
>>(Now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>>
>>On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains
nuts."
>>(Talk about a news flash!)
>>
>>On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions:
Open packet,
>>eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>>
>>On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not
>>enable you to fly."
>>(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents
for this one.)
>>
>>On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands
>>or
genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
>>
>>Now that you've smiled at least once, it's
your turn to spread the
>>stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
>>(maybe even
a chuckle)...in other words send it to everyone.
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